Rosemary

Rosemary Donoghue 1963 - 2008
Tammy’s tribute to her sister Rosemary

Rosemary was a remarkable person. She was the strongest person I knew. She was always the one we all went to when we needed help with anything. She was a take-charge person, always in control. (She even argued with me to the point of not speaking for a few days because she thought I should have my wedding at a church I didn’t attend, because mine didn’t have a center aisle. MY wedding!) She was a fiercely loyal friend, sister, daughter, aunt. We fought like cats and dogs when we were little, and not so little, but she was always there for me when I needed help. Always encouraging. She was very supportive when I finally started going to Weight Watchers. She called me every Wednesday to see how my weigh-in went, and always offered advice. Even from her hospital bed. During her second to last hospital stay (the nine-day one), in December of 2007, she called me to see how it went. When I told her that I was very close to my 25 lb mark, my 10% first mini-goal, she told me how great that was, and immediately said, "So, what’s your next goal going to be? I think it should be…" and we discussed it for about 15 minutes. From her hospital bed. That’s Rosemary, not worrying about herself, but worrying about others. Every time she was in the hospital, she made sure that Jack had help with the kids. She would call friends and neighbors to take the kids to and from school. She would have me go to Nick’s (our local butcher shop) to stock her freezer. She didn’t want her husband, Jack, to be overburdened.

Rosemary was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2001. She fought valiantly for seven years, going through all of the treatment options that her doctor suggested. During her last year, our sister Ann and I took turns taking her to her appointments. Sometimes it was tough, but I got into a routine: drop my kids off at school, drive the hour to Rosemary’s house, take her to whatever appointment she had, take her to lunch and/or Cotsco if we had time and she had energy, take her home, and get back to my kids’ school just as they were getting out. Whew! Most of those days I drove home in tears, praying I could somehow take her pain away; thinking how ironic it was now that I was taking care of her. One day I left her there crying; it broke my heart. She just said, "It hurts so much." But of course she made me go so I wouldn’t be late picking my kids up (Jack will be home in a half an hour – GO!). Always in control.

When the time came during that last hospital stay in January of 2008 when we found out that it was the end, we spread the word. So many people came to the hospital to see her! Security actually came up to the room one night because there were 17 people in there. I actually felt like a social director at some times, steering people in and out of the room so that everyone got to spend time with her. We (her sisters, Nancy, Ann, and I) found out some things about Rosemary that we hadn’t known before. How she touched so many lives. I knew that she went out every Christmas to buy gifts for needy children, but I had no idea how involved it actually was. She collected money from people in her office, went out to the stores with the list of children, bought the gifts, and went to the center to hand them out. We’re talking about a couple of hundred children at this particular center. That last Christmas she was very upset because she was too sick to do it; they had to scale the program back.

Rosemary was truly a remarkable person. Her death has caused pain for so many people. She died just a month past her 44th birthday, and is very sorely missed.